The Uses of Adversity

I want this blog to be a resource for people that are living with MS, especially if you're early in the diagnosis and trying to figure out what it means. When I first found out I had MS, I think I intuitively saw a piece of it as an opportunity. It was my test, and I got to prove my readiness and grow from it.

Ten years later, I've come across Jonathan Haidt's book, The Happiness Hypothesis. One of his chapters is titled "The Uses of Adversity." As soon as I read that chapter title I loved it. I felt like I knew what he was going to talk about, though I didn't imagine how convincingly his systematic breakdown of what adversity does was going to resonate with me. I can't do Haidt justice, but this post is to let you know there's scientifically studied benefits to be had from the challenge you face.

The first benefit "is that rising to a challenge reveals your hidden abilities, and seeing these abilities changes your self-concept." You can gain confidence from learning that you can persevere even when things are tough. You've seen other people show an inner strength when they were challenged, and you may have said "Wow, I couldn't do that." Only now, you're proving that you can. That's confidence and power.

The second benefit is about how adversity changes your relationship with those around you. Like it or not, your adversity serves as a filter. You find that some people get closer and some get further away. While it may hurt to see it happen, it is easily argued that your life is richer for the kind of people that are still there when the dust settles. From a purely rational, logical, Vulcan sort of way, getting an "improved" list of friends makes for better relationships and can improve your day-to-day experience.

The third benefit is about perspective. "Trauma changes priorities and philosophies toward the present and toward other people." I experienced this in spades. As I've mentioned before, I lost a good friend to cancer a few years after my diagnosis. The combination of MS and that loss helped me not just say "don't sweat the small stuff," I actually live it. It's also changed my attitude and my approach every day. I'm motivated to be more attentive to people, to what my purpose is and to the welfare of strangers.

Please don't get me wrong, my experience has also had some very unpleasant moments. It has also provided some outcomes and growth that I feel very fortunate to have received. Haidt is showing that my experience isn't just mine alone, and it's more than just "seeing the silver lining" stuff, it's real. Regardless of whether you agree with the theory, you should find a way to make adversity work for you, too.

My Own Marathon

I had a really crummy run around the lake today. I run a route that’s about five kilometers. From the moment I started, my legs felt heavy. I ran for a while hoping they would lighten up as I warmed up. No such luck.

The Queen City Marathon is this coming weekend. There were signs of it around the lake, namely in the form of little spray-painted signals that are telling runners where to go. This was a pleasant reminder that this week, I won’t be the only one slogging through a run.

In a way, I felt like I was running my own marathon today. It was that same feeling of willing one foot in front of the other, plodding my way along the path.

It made me think of another event I should do next year. The Five Kilometer Marathon for People with MS, their Families and their Friends. The title could use some work, but I think the event has merit.

Welcome!

I've just shamelessly promoted my blog to everyone who got their picture taken on the bike tour. You're probably here because of that. I encourage you to subscribe (over on the right), in case I say something interesting. You can go back to my first post to see why I'm writing this, if you want.

Thanks for visiting!

Adjusting to New Realities

I find with MS that my health and ability to do the activities we often take for granted just changes more often. My definition of "normal" moves a little more than most. I always find myself realizing (or acknowledging) that what I can and can't do has changed. Once I figure out that things have changed, however, I'm able to appropriately adjust.

I had a relapse last year where I got really tired, wasn't thinking straight and got run down. Eventually, with the help of family, I saw it and took steps to adjust. It was an interesting time as the gradual onset of symptoms made it difficult to see that my reality had changed.

I think I am getting faster at adjusting and I'm getting better at adapting to changes in balance, vision, energy or what have you. I can't help but improve with all this practice.

There's a lot to be said for having a talent at adjusting to a changing environment. Arguably, it's one of the essential factors for life and career success these days.

Having MS gives me a competitive advantage of sorts. The flexibility it builds is definitely helpful.

Pre and Post MS Accomplishments

Some things I'm proud of accomplishing before being diagnosed with MS:

• Falling in love with my future wife.
• Graduating university with a commerce degree
• Being promoted to management
• Replacing the engine in a 1977 Mustang. I've included a picture of that one.

Some things I'm proud of accomplishing after getting diagnosed with MS:

• Getting married
• Having two beautiful children (my wife gets more credit for that, of course)
• Buying a house
• Running two marathons, one with a decent time, the other not so much
• Completing three sprint distance triathlons and one olympic distance
  
• Running multiple shorter-distance runs
• Choosing a job for fit rather than security
• Coaching friends on my approach to MS and lecturing on work-life balance
  
• Participating in the MS Bike Tour nine consecutive years
• Biking from Jasper to Lake Louise through two mountain ranges
• Getting a ChangeThis manifesto published

I've now spent more of my adult life with MS than without. I guess that explains some of the imbalance in the lists. My point, however, is that I can still do lots of cool stuff, even with a little extra baggage.

Now, here's a partial wish list. I think I can still do all of them, even if I get a little slower or less mobile.

• Take my kids to Disney
• Learn to play piano
• Take my wife to Mexico
• Make an unselfish mark on this earth
• Build a deck in our backyard
• Do a 200km plus canoe trip north of La Ronge

If it isn't obvious, I like lists.

Fun with MS

Here's the manifesto: I believe having MS should be a positive, life-improving experience. It has been for me. To share this attitude and to spread this message, I will live this belief. I will also create MS celebrations with my family and friends.

I have better ideas than I have follow-through. I think some of my best ideas take a little too much in the way of sponsorship to take off as easily as I'd like.

Primarily, we create a theme and dress up for the bike tour. Our costumes have included - circa Adam West batman characters (The Caped Crusaders), cows (The Udder Team), 70's athletic apparel and disco outfits (The Boogie Knights), wounded soldiers (The Early Discharges) and a team that was rival to the Corner Gas theme (Team Wollerton).

Last year, we moved our team from Regina to Waskesieu. We still volunteered at Regina, though, and set up a "Pimp my Bike" station at our rest-stop. We put cards in the spokes, streamers on the handlebars... you get the idea.

This year, and soon to arrive on this site, we did a Superheroes theme in Regina. We built a life-sized superhero cartoon with the face cut out and took pictures. We're going to be emailing them to cyclists soon.

If you go to my first post on this blog, you'll see the idea behind The Year of the Nevin. A sponsor for the big raffle is still being sought.

I also had an idea for an MS/Regina Little Theatre fundraiser that I need to say out loud. I talked about it with the Regina Little Theatre board, and they were receptive, but I never found a sponsor for the actual fund raising.

Here it goes: A sponsor commits to paying $10 a head for people who come to an RLT show one night. The RLT charges their regular admission, perhaps with a donation to the MS Society. We advertise the show as "Pack the House for MS", especially targeting MS Society members. The result? Cheap goodwill advertising for a corporate sponsor, funds for the MS Society, a new audience and full house for the RLT and a fun night out for the audience. Perhaps I'm missing something, but I don't think I am. If you want to sponsor this, let me know. I'll do all the leg work, you stroke a cheque for $4,000 (max occupancy at the RLT is 400).

MS, marriage and kids

My wife and I were dating when I was diagnosed with MS. We were pretty close to getting married and had already talked about it. I asked her to think long and hard about the worst-case scenario of me with MS before we got married, and I told her she should walk if she had hang-ups. She didn't, of course, but I've always thought that was unfair of me. She'd already been seduced by my charms. She didn't have much hope of being able to walk away :)

I won't say much about dating, as I didn't have that experience of meeting and determining when to tell. I suppose it would be much like what I do with employers, though. Once they can see the value I bring, they should know what the whole package is. I suspect single parents have the same issue. Perhaps we should ask one of them. If you're a single parent with MS, you've got a fantastic set of filters to weed out the undesirables.

Kerri and I were anxious about having kids. Of course, the odds are a little higher that they may contract MS, but it's nowhere near certain. The prognosis for someone diagnosed with MS today is also really positive. By the time they're of the age to get it, I'm thinking their story would be much different.

We were also worried about whether I'd be physically able to parent. There's already some things I won't ever do with them, such as playing basketball or teaching them to downhill ski. That's pretty small potatoes, though. We decided that parenting and the joy of children had a lot more to do with being present than being physically capable. We haven't regretted this choice for a moment and we never will.

MS and the job

I'm in positions that require me to use my brain, not my body or my hands. I don't know that anything I say applies to someone who does physical labour. I think if I had a physical job, I'd be figuring out a transition to something that only requires that I have a brain.

I've always told my employers about my MS right away. When I was diagnosed, I went back and said "I've got MS. I don't know what course it will take, but I'll keep you informed. In a worst case scenario, you may need to make some accommodations. It never occurred to me to be anything but upfront about it. I add value, and they were going to want to keep me.

I've carried that confidence into each job since. I don't simply announce "I have MS," just like I wouldn't when I meet someone. Rather, if they opportunity arises, I definitely tell my employer. I'd rather have them aware (and responsive) than unaware. If they're unaware, they'll do the perfectly human thing and blame your tardiness, your slow response or your being different on some evil source, rather than your health.

I also don't mind if they know before they offer me a job. I'm not desperate for employment, I'm desperate for a meaningful, happy work environment. By law, I'm allowed to pull the "bait and switch" and not tell them about my illness beforehand, but I don't really want to work for them if they would make a different choice if they knew.

How do you consistently do the injection?

People always seem surprised to hear that I've been on Copaxone since I was diagnosed and that I've given myself a daily injection for the last ten years. It's beyond routine now, so I don't even think about it, but I know some people can't stick with it. Why have I been able to?

The first injection was the most scary. It got a lot easier after that. After that first injection, in fact, I was a bit light-headed and had to lay down for a while. I had concerns that I'd had some strange reaction to the medication. Looking back, it's pretty funny... I know I was just experiencing anxiety. It's a pretty foreign experience for most of us to self administer an injection.

For the first period of being on Copaxone, my mantra was "My odds are better on this stuff." That was enough to overlook the inconvenience and sometime discomfort that comes with the medication. Statistics alone made it a given that I was going to do it.

After a while, say after a few years, I started having a confidence that the medication didn't just carry a probability of success. It was actually working for me.

After ten years, I'm wholly convinced that taking Copaxone has dramatically changed the course of my MS. If you're waffling on using a medication, especially if the hang-up is a mental block about poking yourself, do it anyway. After a while, you have to work to remember if you've done it that day or not. This brings me to a more practical tip, make sure you do it at the same time each day. My injection is now the last thing I do before I go to bed. It used to be first thing in the morning, which was fine, but evenings work better. Definitely that's just a personal preference thing.

This gives me a chuckle - In the first year or two, my wife used to ask me from time to time if she could "practice" administering the injection in case there was a day that I couldn't. My standard answer was that she could practice on the day I couldn't do it. I certainly have no problem giving myself the injection now, but if my wife wanted to practice a "refresher" injection every month or year, I'd still be getting the sweats.

My Olympic Triathlon experience

I did something I've never done in a race when I completed an olympic distance triathlon last weekend. I didn't time myself.

Sure, I knew my exact time and all my splits would be available for review by the evening (they were, by email), but there was only one measure I was interested in. Would I complete it, or would I not?

It was a pretty good test of willpower, but quitting really become an option to consider. I swam 1.5km, biked 40 km and ran... well, ran is an overstatement... 10 km. I was plodding, but comfortable for all but the run. Other than the soreness and the tired body, it feels pretty good.

I like these races as a very visceral way I can "fight MS." MS tries to take away some of my physical abilities, I try and keep them. It's not the whole picture of my life, it's not even the biggest piece. It is, however, something I'm careful not to neglect. Having physical ability and mobility keeps life pretty easy. I might not always have it, so I'll use it now.

Your circle of influence

There are many things in this world that can take away your power. They may not even be aware that they're doing it. I love the quote, "Take control of your life or someone else will."

If you don't get deliberate about what you want to do or how you're going to act, there are plenty of cues and suggestions that will tell you what to do. We all were raised by somebody, for starters, and we learned a style. It's pretty easy to fall into the routine of parenting the way we were parented, or to talk to wait staff at the restaurant the way your dad did. Micro-managers, politicians are also pretty good at pretending they know what's best for us all to do. If you don't have an intention, they will swoop in and make suggestions for you.

Stephen Covey's 7 habits, particulary his 1st habit be proactive takes on new and more significant meaning for me when I think about having MS. His first habit is best understood by considering your circle of influence and your circle of concern. Habitually, we get these two mixed up. We tie ourselves in a knot worrying about our nation's behaviour in reducing greenhouse gas emissions (Circle of Concern) instead of choosing an alternate transportation method for our commute (Circle of Influence). We complain about how morale at work is low and the boss doesn't get it (Circle of Concern) instead of organizing a lunch-hour pizza party for our coworkers (Circle of Influence).

When it comes to MS, we can get fixated on the cost of medication, the probability we'll stay mobile, the way our employer reacts to our relapses or the way we tend to list to the left when we walk. For the most part, these are concerns out of our hands. We can observe them, even state that we don't like them. If we wake up the next day and announce our dislike for them again, we're getting dangerously close to wasting our energy and disempowering ourselves from doing something useful.

On the other hand, your circle of influence always contains some pretty powerful tools to improve your life. You can always choose your attitude, where you put your energy and how you'll treat your body.

Next time you're frustrated, please take a moment and do a little exercise. Separate your frustration into two piles: the stuff that's not within your control and the stuff that is. Just to be fair, I'll do this exercise, too. Then I'll start working on the stuff that's mine.

Why write this?

As I celebrate a successful ten years since my diagnosis, I'd like to document some of the things I've learned. This will be where I do it.


Here are some motivators for me:

• MS can be a physically debilitating disease. Nonetheless, the most challenging problem I've faced isn't physical, it's mental. MS sufferers are in danger of letting the illness set the rules. I was in danger of settling into a helpless victim psychology when I was afflicted. This is a bit of mental shield. When I talk about my fight out loud, it's easier to hold myself to live it.


• This is like a snapshot of my philosophy at this moment in time. It might be interesting for me or my kids to look back on it some day.


• With all seriousness, having MS has improved the quality of my life. I need to give back. I hope my observations can help others.

My email to RONA

sent to their sponsorship address.

************************

Hi,
I’ve been diagnosed with MS for 9 years. On May 16, 2010, it will be the 10 year anniversary of my diagnosis.

I’m planning a series of events for 2010 to celebrate. The cornerstone of the celebrations will be a fundraising event on Saturday, May 15, 2010. All proceeds will go to the MS Society of Saskatchewan.

The culmination of the evening would be a draw for the top raffle prize, a custom-built deck. I’ve confirmed some experienced deck builders to undertake the work.

My request is that RONA be the materials supplier for the event. I would acknowledge your sponsorship in all ticket sales, in any advertising and at the event itself.

With your donation of deck materials, you would of course get title sponsorship. The working title is Nevin and Kerri’s RONA Backyard Deck Party.

I’m excited at the prospect of bringing a unique fundraiser to my community, having some fun and promoting a message of "success despite MS." As a long-time MS Bike Tour participant, I have seen first-hand the effort and passion RONA puts into supporting the MS Society. I hope we can work together on this exciting event.

If this sponsorship opportunity is of interest, I would suggest I could organize the specifics with a representative from my local Regina RONA, determining such things as appropriate acknowledgement of RONA sponsorship, materials to be donated and deck size.

Here’s my contact info:
Nevin Danielson
*****I don't really want all this on the 'net. I'm at ndanielson at sasktel dot net*******

Thanks for the consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Nevin

********

stay tuned! I'll post their response.

An introduction of sorts

This is a c&p from my main blog:

2010 marks the 10 year anniversary of my diagnosis with Multiple Sclerosis. By most accounts, I’m smarter, happier and healthier than I was back on May 16th, 2000. I think we should celebrate.

I’ve always been open about my diagnosis, and I’ve always sought to help those who also suffer. I think my 10 year anniversary is a good time to take it up a notch.

I’m calling it The Year of the Nevin.

Starting January 1, 2010, the party begins. We’re celebrating Success with MS. MS has drastically changed my life. It’s made some things harder. It’s made others a lot easier.

The following list is as scientific as I get:
Harder
Balancing
Getting enough rest
Catching flying objects
Walking without bumping something
Exercising
Maintaining my ego
Letting go of “jock Nevin”

Easier
Acknowledging my mortality
Sharing feelings
Connecting with my family
Walking away from work
Committing to exercising
Subjugating my ego
Embracing “well-rounded Nevin”

Here’s some things I’d like to do as commemorative acts in 2010:
Publish a booklet of things I’ve learned about MS
Distribute the booklet in Saskatchewan MS Society offices
Host a party and fundraiser on Saturday, May 15th
Write a blog that celebrates The Year of the Nevin
Commemorate my 11th consecutive MS Bike Tour with my biggest team ever
Complete an Olympic-distance triathlon
Distribute commemorative The Year of the Nevin souvenirs

It will also be 10 years of marriage for Kerri and I in 2010. Another reason to celebrate... another big party, I think.

Please help me out here. Is it too bold? What else should I do?